SKUNK ESCAPADES
(Ace and Lisa Marie Skunkie)
I met Miss Lisa Marie Skunkie in 2009 when I had just sleep-walked off the train from DC at 3 am in Cleveland and was driven by my Skunk Rescue Friends, hereafter known as Dora and Ken, to their Skunk Refuge 40 miles away. Once there, I had a choice—go to the hotel and crash on the bed or go with them to a radio station at 630 am, where I would be given a Baby Skunk to hold and be interviewed by a local Radio Station in beee-ooo-tee-ful downtown Elyria Ohio.
Well, what do YOU think I did??! Of course.
So once at the radio station Dora plopped 3 month-old SWEEET Lisa Marie baby skunkie (fur like silk—shiny and beautiful and with a fat skunkie butt) into my arms—where she snuzzled my neck and stuck her little nosie into my collar. I held her and smiled with delight and then … I had a thought. “Dora,” I asked “is this skunk SPAYED?” Dora smiled a knowing smile and shook her head no – which is when I realized I was holding a loaded skunkie. They do not de-scent them until they get spayed. But Miss Lisa Marie was the Poster Child Of Retention and she did NOTHING to me, except continue to be cute and snuzzly. And after the interview Dora took her from my arms and let the radio personnel pat her on the back (never pat a skunk directly in front of the face – they can bite) and after they oohed and aaahed and petted her, she once again gave me Lisa Marie to hold and sed to the radio personnel – “You just petted a Loaded Skunk”. The look on their faces sed it all.
But THAT is not the skunk story I had wished to tell you. Heh heh.. to be continued.
A story about a loaded skunk, and them Good Ole Boys
Sunday Feb 19, Dora and Ken were to pick me up and take me 1- to a local Good Old Boy Camping and Fishing “show” at the fairgrounds, and 2- thence to their refuge, where I could play with the skunkies. They called me, saying “We are going to be a little late—some idiot trapped a wild skunk and left it in the trap overnight- we are going there to release it into the woods”
So an hour later, their car pulls up – Dora comes bouncing out and hugs me and says “The skunk sprayed us a little—the car smells a little”
Disclaimer - There is NO SUCH THING as a LITTLE SKUNK SPRAY.
But I am game—my scarf was thick – I doubled it up and put it in front of my nose and cracked the window a little (this is Ohio—it gets cold there) and we bounced and sped along to the fairgrounds. I justified the stench by saying “It will CLEAR my SINUSES for sure!!” Once we got there and parked the car we went into the first of 3 buildings. It was crowded with lots of Good Old Boys and women, who were vending or buying or just looking at stuff. As we walked along, from the sidelines and background we could hear them GOB’s murmuring “I smell a skunk’. “Do YOU smell a skunk” “Smells like there’s a skunk somewhere”.
EVERYWHERE we went, these voices could be heard. So Dora and I just looked at one another and smiiiled. Ken on the other hand stamped his feet and said “I’M GOING BACK INTO THE CAR AND WAIT THERE!” Dora and I looked at one another and said “All he’s gonna do is STEEP himself in that smell!!” When we entered the 2nd exhibition building, Those Voices In the Background started up again - GOB’s murmuring “I smell a skunk’. “Do YOU smell a skunk” “Smells like there’s a skunk somewhere”.
And the THIRD building we entered had the same background voices – MORE GOB’s murmuring “I smell a skunk’. “Do YOU smell a skunk” “Smells like there’s a skunk somewhere”. Dora and I still said NOTHING but we just smiled and kept looking at all the exhibits and doo dads for sale. FINALLY when we were at the LAST and FINAL table in the LAST building, the GOB that Dora was buying something from (nice guy) said almost to himself “I smell a skunk!” and Dora said “OK! I CONFESS- IT’S ME!” AND PROCEEDED TO TELL THAT GOOD OLE BOY THE real STORY BEHNIND THE SKUNK SMELL – AND HE SAID “Well, It MIGHT NOT BE YOU!! We had a skunk running thru buildings 1 and 3 this morning and we had to shoo it out!!”
L-O DOUBLE L. The even funnier thing was that we then went to Fathead Brewpub (blueberry beer, coffee beer and Goggle Fogger beer—plus Ken brought home a growler of Grapefruit beer. Oh. I hope you already ate …..!) Anyway, we stuffed ourselves with burgers and fries and we noticed that NO ONE there was making any skunk comments—how interesting. Haha – maybe they were drunker than skunks…Anyway, we went back to the refuge, where they put Lisa Marie—now a BEAUTIFUL ALL GROWN UP LADY SKUNK, into my arms and the picture, and the rest, is history.
Then came time to feed all the skunks in the refuge (after Dora had washed her clothes 2x and Ken had taken a shower and washed HIS clothes). But Dora was fit to be tied (both of THOSE people qualify as honorary skunks BTW). She wailed: “The skunks are running away from Ken and hiding! They won’t eat their food becuz Ken smells like a strange skunk!!!” Oh the Drama At the Skunk Refuge.
Meanwhile, a large skunk walked up to me and stuck its nose into my ankle and then grabbed me gently with both arms. That’s ok – I was cool.
I had a great time. The AMTRAK train trip back was hell. The only significant thing was that the train actually got skunked (oh the poor skunk…)
